Carla sent me this about thoughts and occurences in life last night- I thought it was interesting so I shall post it here :)
Internal factors are reactions that you create inside yourself in response to the world. Even though they happen inside you, it's best to think about them as behaviors because they are actions that you choose. By choosing how to perceive yourself, you can either behave your way to success or behave your way to failure. For example, if you believe you are competent and special, you will live up to that truth. If you believe you are incompetent and worthless, you will live down to that truth.
The powerful internal factors that shape your self-concept are:
Internal Dialogue: This is the continuous conversation that you have with yourself about everything that happens to you. This dialogue is constant, happens in real time (at the same rate at which you would speak the words aloud), and provokes a physiological change (with each thought comes a physical reaction).
Labeling: Humans tend to organize things into categories. We even categorize other humans by labeling them into groups, subgroups, classes and functions. But were you aware that we label ourselves? For better or worse, these labels have a powerful impact on our perception of self because we tend to "live" the categories we've attached to ourselves ("I'm a loser" or "I'm a winner.")
Tapes: These are beliefs that have become so deeply ingrained that they "play" automatically in our heads and influence our behavior without our awareness. Unlike labels ("I never win"), tapes have context: "I won't get the promotion because I never win." Tapes are dangerous and potentially self-defeating because they have the power to set you up for a specific outcome.
Fixed Beliefs / Limiting Beliefs: Fixed beliefs are the beliefs we hold about ourselves, others, and life's circumstances that have been repeated for so long they have become ingrained and are difficult to change. Limiting beliefs are the beliefs we have about ourselves that limit what we reach for and achieve. They also cause us to block any conflicting (positive) information while confirming any new negative information.
I certainly converse wih myself, inside my head, as it were. I also think as though I'm telling a story, or reading a story, at times. I know I categorise myself as being very shy and not especially good at anything so according to this I will spend my life being shy, and failing at things. Heh...
According to Dr. Phil, you can trace who you've become in this life to three types of external factors: 10 defining moments, seven critical choices, and five pivotal people. But first it's important to understand the following terms:
Ten Defining Moments: In every person's life, there have been moments, both positive and negative, that have defined and redefined who you are. Those events entered your consciousness with such power that they changed the very core of who and what you thought you were. A part of you was changed by those events, and caused you to define yourself, to some degree by your experience of that event.
Seven Critical Choices: There are a surprisingly small number of choices that rise to the level of life-changing ones. Critical choices are those that have changed your life, positively or negatively, and are major factors in determining who and what you will become. They are the choices that have affected your life up to today, and have set you on a path.
Five Pivotal People: These are the people who have left indelible impressions on your concept of self, and therefore, the life you live. They may be family members, friends or co-workers, and their influences can be either positive or negative. They are people who can determine whether you live consistently with your authentic self, or instead live a counterfeit life controlled by a fictional self that has crowded out who you really are.
This part of it interested me more.I'm sure Carreg was one of my defining moments, not only was it a fairly spiritual feeling place to be, it also gave me chance to think. It made me more positive about how and who I wanted to be. I didn't actually change on the surface very much I don't think, but I know I have felt different since in a way. This may ave been quite a long defining moment, perhaps beginning in a very small way when I first saw Equilibre and then being made definite when I worked there. It also coincided with me 'growing up' and going from being a rather naive child to someone who had to understand and know more. I think I found myself at Carreg, as ridiculous as it may sound. I think this may have been my only defining moment so far, I may have had another, a lot has happened in the past year and I feel different now, in a good way. Not in a way that has changed anything about me, just how I approach things, but I think that's just life going along as it does.
I do not think I have had a critical choice yet. I feel like I may have had pivotal people but as I apparentely will only have five I'm not sure. On the good side of things (the 'positive' side) I know a lot of people who have changed and influenced my life, whether they be famous, friends, or family, but I'm not sure what a pivotal person would be. I think, and hope most friends I have now, I will know for a long time. To me, all people I am related to, and am friends with, mean an awful lot. I don't change or pretend to be someone else with different people though, I like to think I'm very straightforward in a way (that's not supposed to be a compliment to myself). I have few secrets of my own, but will always keep those that others give to me.
It's all rather complicated. I sense I shall be mulling such things over rather a lot in the next few days.
x
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